PixelRN

Gen X Nurse

I'm a Gen X nurse.

What does that mean?

In the most obvious sense it just means that I was born in 1970 and I'm a registered nurse. I try not to put too much stock in all of the generational stereotypes, but I have always felt like I was Generation X to the core. Gen Xers tend to be cynical. We're hard on ourselves and others. We have this reputation for being slackers, not because we're lazy, but because our standards are too high to just grab whatever old McJob comes our way.

When I graduated from college in 1992, I had a liberal arts degree and no clue what to do with it. I wasn't interested in graduate school. At that point I was ready for the next step. I wanted to play the game. I wanted to get a paycheck.

The conventional wisdom at the time was to pick a company. (How? Based on what?) Get an entry level position (doing what?) Establish yourself and move up the ranks (to become what, exactly?) It was all so nebulous.

So I got a job in a bakery. I have always loved working with food. It was extremely low-paying but that was okay. I was happy.

I knew it was a dead end job though, so I started taking community college courses. First in psychology (I thought I wanted to be an art therapist) and then in graphic design. Meanwhile I "moved up the ranks" and became a waitress. I started to make a lot more money and it was a job I rather enjoyed.

I did this for 10 years. I travelled a lot. Bought a house. Always in the back of my mind was, "You have a college degree! You should be doing something else!" But that voice was never quite convincing enough.

Then in August of 2001, I attended the funeral of a close friend's brother. He was a young, wonderful, hard working person who was ruthlessly killed by a drunk driver. Nothing like a funeral for a young person to send you into an existential tailspin.

I fell into a temporary despair. I desperately tried to come up with ideas for what I should be doing different, how to change my life.

And then September 11th happened. Despair turned into anger, followed by numbness. My existential tailspin was curtailed by the need to just go on living. To try and make sense of day to day things without being overcome by rage. I thought about joining the military.

8 months later I made the decision to start nursing school.

Sometimes it takes a tragedy to make you see what's really important. And the important thing for me was to do something that I could define, something that had meaning, and something I could take pride in. Sure I could pay my dues and work for a company, sell things, market things, design things, manage things, get promoted. But nursing is different. It's so much more simpler:

What does a nurse do?

She takes care of people when they are sick. And gets paid for it.

And that's why despite all the bitching and moaning I like to do about cleaning up poop, I'll probably always be a nurse.

Nurses: Do you have an exit strategy?

A slightly disturbing thing that I noticed this summer was the amount of nurses who have an exit strategy for leaving the bedside. It seemed like the majority of nurses I worked with were planning their exodus from bedside nursing in the form of CRNA school, NP school, or perhaps even just getting a MSN in order to obtain a more administrative role.

It certainly doesn't leave one with much hope for the profession. I wonder if other professions experience this phenomenom (i.e. how is the best way to put in my 2 years of drudgery and then advance?)

On the other hand, one thing I noticed was the advantages of raising a family when one parent is a nurse, because there is such a variety of shifts you can work. Here are some examples - these are all people I know:

• A nurse who does home health care during the day so she can be home when her kids come home from school.

• A nurse who works 4 weekend ICU shifts a month and spends the rest of her time staying home with her young children.

• A nurse manager who works M-F, 9-5 and has her kids in day care.

• A male nurse who works nights and weekends so his wife (also a nurse) can stay home with the kids

• A female nurse who works agency so her husband can stay home with the kids

• A nurse who mostly stays at home with her child but picks up contracts here and there when the family finances call for it (guess who that one is!)

• And I know a plethora of nurses who do the conventional ICU schedule (every other weekend, rotating days and nights) while raising a family with a spouse who quite often works an opposite schedule.

This last option is hard. Extremely hard. But if planned right, it can work to maximize the time that your family spends together.

I remember reading in one of my nursing theory textbooks that these types of nurses who fall in and out of the profession and will only work full time when it's convenient for them and their family are very bad for nursing. They don't contribute at all to advancing the cause of obtaining more power and respect for the profession.

And yet where would nursing be without them? For the most part they are the ones who aren't working on an exit strategy, because it all works out so well for them.

Things to remember about nursing

This summer, I came away from my MICU contract with a renewed understanding of why I have this love-hate relationship with nursing. And I've summed it up in 6 simple points so when I'm ready to pick up another contract I can remember what to expect, even if months and months of super intense child rearing washes it all out of my head.

So here goes. The love part...

1. It's the feeling you get after the shift that is so great. You made it. You got through this grueling, back breaking, nerve wracking day. It's a feeling of accomplishment.
2. It's the social interaction. The camaraderie. There is definitely a bond there among nurses. No matter how different a fellow nurse is from you they know exactly what it is that you go through. And for many of us, you can't say the same thing about your family, your spouse, or your best friend.  
3. Then there's just the joy of knowing a difficult job really, really well. Being able to field any curve ball that comes your way in an extremely fast paced environment. Not to mention the fact that people could die if you don't do the right thing. While that may sound like an enormous amount of pressure, it's also a great source of pride to know that you can handle that.

And the hate part...

1. Night shift - Love, love, love the people who work night shift. But I hate the fact that switching from days to nights makes me feel like a human slug.
2. Lower back pain. No need to elaborate here.
3. Cleaning up stool. Sorry. it sucks no matter how you slice it. Some will say "Oh it doesn't bother me at all! You get used to it." Bullshit. You have 2 ICU patients, each stooling 3-4 times during the night in a 12 hour shift. You do the math. That means you are potentially up to your elbows in shit Q 2 hrs. AND trying to get the rest of your work done.

Surprise! I love being a nurse again.

Having trouble keeping up with my love-hate relationship with nursing? That's okay, so am I. The good news is that I love it again. I'm almost halfway through my MICU contract and things are going surprisingly well. They didn't quite start out that way. Here's a synopsis: Week 1: In the weeds. All the time. Treading water. Hating life. Crossing off the days until this damned contract is over. Week 2: Getting used to it but damn, this job is hard! How does anyone do this for a living? How did I do this for a living? I've had it up to here with poop and sputum and agitated patients on the ventilator and I wished I were back working in the recovery room, checking pedal pulses and getting turkey sandwiches for my patients. Week 3: My confidence has officially returned and it's starting to feel like I never left. I can kind of see why I actually liked this job, although it's not easy. It's still very challenging. Week 4: Wait a sec... I kind of love this job! Even after a crazy shift of codes, deaths, bleeding, confusion, and difficult patients, I walk out the door feeling great. It's probably just the neurotransmitters. I'm high on adrenaline. I drive home with the windows down and the radio blasting, feeling like I really accomplished something. The next day I wake up very tired but still feeling good. I relax more because I feel like I've earned it. So now I'm loving it so much I'm thinking about returning as permanent staff. I can make this work. It's a big pay cut to leave the agency but I love having a work home, and a work family. My MICU coworkers are absolutely the best, and this job is helping me to remember why I chose nursing in the first place. There's just one teeny weeny little complication. Two, actually. I'm pregnant with twins. So I'm not going to commit to anything just yet. It's one thing to put one kid in daycare, but three? You get to the point where financially you're just barely breaking even. So we'll see. I think the important thing for me is to remember how I feel about being an ICU nurse right now, which is that I love it. After Ben was born I kind of got seduced by that whole social media world and was tempted to migrate away from nursing altogether. But I'm wiser now. And up for the challenge of having 3 kids under the age of 5 for a few years (YIKES!).

Why I Probably Won't Quit Nursing

I know, I know. Last October I told you I probably would quit nursing. Anyone who knows me, knows that I change my mind a lot. Last week my husband told me I was "whimsical," which I'm pretty sure he meant as a euphemism for "fickle," but hey, I'll take it. It is what it is. So back to nursing. It really just comes down to 3 things: 1. The economy is in the crapper. It's going to get a lot worse before it gets better. I need to save for the future. 2. I don't want to lose my nursing skills, because as of now, they are the most valuable skills I posses. 3. Staying at home with Ben has been great. But he's about to turn 2 and I think we need a little break from each other. I can tell he's starting to get a little bored with our routine. Okay, maybe I'm projecting. Maybe I'm the one getting bored.  Either way, I think a couple days a week of daycare could be good for him. This week I signed a MICU contract. I'll start in April. I'll be glad to get back into the routine, see some old freinds, get back my skills and self-confidence. And I'm kind of glad that I never fully gave up on this whole blog thing, because I have a feeling I'll be have some more stories to tell you. That is, unless I change my mind again.

It's Good to be a Nurse

Here's a diagram of post-procedural patient flow that I made, because that's just the kind of geeky nurse that I am:

 

As you can see, I recover radiology patients and cardiology patients.

So what do you call a radiology patient that has an acute MI in my recovery room?

DAMNED LUCKY!!!

I had written a long, finely crafted post to tell you this story, but then I read Phil Baumann's post on HIPAA and I remembered exactly why I typically do not blog about patient encounters.

So here's the Cliff Notes version, scrubbed of details:

(imagine the following paragraph being recited by an auctioneer)

"You just had a radiology procedure done and you're lying in the recovery room after your procedure when OUCH! you're having chest pain and the 12 lead was done and HEY! the cardiologist happens to be right here and OHHH! there happens to be a clean procedure room so we are going to cath you now and LOOK! there's a complete blockage of one of your coronary arteries and you could have died but we just stented it and now you're stable so it's off to the CCU don't let the door hit your behind on the way out. ADIOS. And don't forget to tell your family to rub the toe of the Jesus statue."

Several people came up to me afterward and said, "How does it feel? You saved a life today?" And I said, "I can't possibly take credit. It was the whole team, and a good bit of karma, all working together."

I still felt spectacular, though, because I was a part of the team that saved a life.

And that's why it's good to be a nurse. ( :